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Forgiveness

Understanding God’s Role in Helping Us Forgive Those We Struggle to Forgive

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a complex and deeply personal process that can be challenging, especially when it involves someone we don’t believe deserves to be forgiven. In these difficult situations, seeking guidance from our faith can provide solace and support. For many, turning to God and understanding His role in forgiveness can help us navigate through these emotions and find the strength to forgive.

Recognizing the Importance of Forgiveness

Before diving into how God helps us forgive those we struggle to forgive, it’s essential to understand the significance of forgiveness itself. Forgiveness is not about condoning or excusing the actions of others; it is about freeing ourselves from the burden of anger, resentment, and bitterness.

Forgiving someone who has hurt us is a way to heal our own hearts and find inner peace. It allows us to let go of negative emotions and move forward with our lives. While it may seem difficult, forgiveness is a powerful act of self-care and growth. Continuing to carry the unforgiving spirit in our hearts only hurts us–not the person that originally hurt us.

Trusting in God’s Wisdom and Guidance

When faced with the challenge of forgiving someone we believe doesn’t deserve it, we can turn to our faith for guidance. Trusting in God’s wisdom and understanding can help us gain a broader perspective on the situation.

God sees and understands everything, including the pain and hurt we have experienced. By trusting in His guidance, we can find the strength to let go of our own judgments and rely on His divine wisdom to lead us towards forgiveness.

We also have to be reminded that Jesus gave HIS life on the cross for EVERYONE of us who sins–which is all of us. He forgave you. He forgave me. And, whether you accept it or not, God even forgave the person that offended you.

Practicing Empathy and Compassion

God teaches us to practice empathy and compassion towards others, even those who have wronged us. When we struggle to forgive someone, it can be helpful to try and see them through God’s eyes.

By acknowledging that we are all imperfect beings capable of making mistakes, we can develop a sense of empathy towards the person who hurt us. Understanding that they, too, may be struggling with their own demons can soften our hearts and open the path to forgiveness.

Seeking Strength Through Prayer

Prayer is a powerful tool that connects us with God and allows us to seek His strength and guidance. When we find it difficult to forgive, turning to prayer can provide us with the support we need.

In our prayers, we can ask God for the strength to let go of our anger and resentment. We can ask Him to help us see the situation from a different perspective and to grant us the ability to forgive. Through prayer, we invite God into our hearts and allow Him to work within us to heal and find forgiveness.

Remembering God’s Grace and Forgiveness

One of the most powerful reminders of God’s role in helping us forgive is reflecting on His own grace and forgiveness towards us. As imperfect beings, we have all made mistakes and fallen short of God’s expectations. Yet, God, in His infinite love and mercy, forgives us when we seek His forgiveness.

By recognizing and appreciating God’s forgiveness in our own lives, we can find the inspiration and motivation to extend that forgiveness to others, even those we struggle to forgive.

Embracing the Healing Power of Forgiveness

Ultimately, as I mentioned earlier, forgiving someone who we believe doesn’t deserve it is not about them; it’s about our own healing and growth. God’s role in this process is to guide us, provide us with strength, and offer us His wisdom and grace.

When we turn to God and allow His teachings to shape our hearts, we can find the courage to forgive, even in the most challenging circumstances. By embracing the healing power of forgiveness, we can experience a sense of liberation and move forward with love, compassion, and peace.

In conclusion, forgiveness is a journey that can be difficult, especially when it involves forgiving someone we don’t believe should be forgiven. Through our faith and trust in God, we can find the strength, wisdom, and compassion to navigate this challenging path. By embracing God’s teachings and seeking His guidance, we can experience the transformative power of forgiveness and ultimately find healing and peace.

Responding When Forgiveness is One-Sided: A Trustworthy Perspective

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful choice that can bring healing and freedom to our lives. It allows us to let go of the pain and resentment that can hold us captive. However, what happens when we extend forgiveness to someone who never acknowledges their wrongdoing or offers an apology? How does God want us to respond in such situations? Let’s explore this topic from a trustworthy perspective.

Understanding the Nature of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a decision to release someone from the debt they owe us. It is not dependent on the other person’s actions or words. Instead, it is a choice we make for our own well-being and spiritual growth.

When we forgive, we let go of the desire for revenge or justice, and we choose to extend grace and mercy. It is an act of love that reflects the character of God, who forgives us even when we don’t deserve it.

Responding to Unacknowledged Forgiveness

When we forgive someone, but they never acknowledge their actions or offer an apology, it can be challenging. We may feel a sense of injustice or frustration. However, it’s important to remember that forgiveness is about our own healing, not about changing the other person’s behavior.

Here are a few ways we can respond when forgiveness is one-sided:

1. Seek Peace within Yourself

Instead of dwelling on the lack of acknowledgment from the other person, focus on finding peace within yourself. Reflect on the reasons why you chose to forgive in the first place and remind yourself of the freedom that forgiveness brings. Pray for the strength to let go of any lingering resentment or bitterness.

2. Set Boundaries

While forgiveness is essential, it doesn’t mean we have to tolerate ongoing mistreatment. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in situations where the other person continues to hurt us without remorse. Pray for wisdom and guidance on how to establish boundaries that protect your well-being while still extending forgiveness.

3. Practice Empathy and Compassion

Although the other person may not acknowledge their actions, it’s important to remember that everyone carries their own burdens and struggles. Practice empathy and compassion towards them, understanding that their inability to apologize may stem from their own wounds or limitations. Pray for them and ask God to work in their hearts.

4. Surrender to God’s Justice

When we forgive, we surrender the desire for revenge or justice into God’s hands. Trust that God sees and knows the truth, and He will ultimately bring justice in His perfect timing. Release the need to control the outcome and place your trust in God’s sovereignty.

God’s Perspective on Forgiveness

Throughout the Bible, God emphasizes the importance of forgiveness. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

God desires us to extend forgiveness, regardless of whether the other person acknowledges their actions or seeks forgiveness. It is a reflection of His love and grace towards us. By forgiving others, we open ourselves up to receive God’s forgiveness and experience His peace.

Conclusion

When we extend forgiveness to someone who never acknowledges their wrongdoing, it can be challenging. However, God calls us to forgive, not for the sake of the other person, but for our own well-being and spiritual growth. By seeking peace within ourselves, setting boundaries, practicing empathy and compassion, and surrendering to God’s justice, we can respond in a way that aligns with God’s desires for us. Remember, forgiveness is a journey, and it is through God’s grace and strength that we can navigate the complexities of forgiveness.

Hatred That Erodes

Forgiveness

We just moved to our new house about a year ago.  We decided to move from the big city life to a smaller town with a more country setting and, I have to say, it has been a nice change of pace.  If you have ever moved, you know what a chore it can sometimes be.  In our case, we moved from a small condo to a much larger home. So, we had the opposite problem of most people in that we don’t have enough furniture to fill up all of the rooms at our new place.  While that sounds like it would make for an easier move, it seems my to-do list of things to do at the new house never gets any shorter.

Recently, I have been in the process of cleaning out my tool shed out in our back yard. When we moved, it basically become a storage unit for our belongings until we could get fully settled.  Now that the new place is livable, my duty now is to go through all the years worth of accumulated “stuff” and decide whether or not to keep the items or store them somewhere in a better location.  I probably won’t totally finish the project until the weather warms up this Spring, but I thought I would get a head start at least.

As I was moving some old items out of the tool shed, I noticed a couple of old plastic 5-gallon paint buckets that had been left there by the former owner.  The buckets were dry and cracked and filled with what looked and smelled like some chemical cleanser or paint thinner or, heaven forbid, something even more toxic.  Whatever liquid was in the buckets had partially eaten through the plastic buckets and created small holes.  It appeared that the liquid partially leaked out the holes but then later gummed up and gelled into some material foreign to this Earth.  It didn’t take me long to decide to add these disgusting, leaky, gummy buckets to the pile of items going to the landfill never to be used again.

As a Christian, this got me thinking about how easily it is for us to harbor hatred in our hearts for others.  Maybe it was someone who offended you or said something hateful to a loved one.  Perhaps it was someone who mistreated you or treated your family wrong in some way.  Lord as my witness, I have been down that path so many times I can’t even keep count.  Even church members or Christian friends have said and done things to me and my family that have hurt more than you could even imagine.  But, it’s at that point I learned that I had a decision to make.  Either I could let that hatred of what happened or what was said eat away at me forever, or I could let it go and stop controlling my life.

There were times when I found myself holding on to the hurt and the pain so much that it just ate away at me.  In fact, the pain was so much at times that it created “holes” in my life just like the toxic material that I had found in my old paint buckets. You see, holding on the pain didn’t hurt anyone but me.  I thought holding on would make things better because it gave me an opportunity to keep telling myself how wrong those people were with what they had done and said.  Unfortunately, all the holding on to past grudges didn’t accomplish anything but simply making my “vessel” or my life weaker and it just wasn’t worth it anymore.

Eventually, I prayed to God that HE would give me the strength I needed to forgive those that had hurt me. I certainly couldn’t have done it alone.  It didn’t mean I liked what they did or even forgot what had happened.  It simply meant that I wasn’t allowing those events to rule my life any more and eat away at my peace.

Over time, my life has healed.  My life’s “bucket” is no longer filled with toxic material escaping through holes that I allowed to occur in my life.  I can honestly say that with God’s help, I kicked the bucket of hatred.  My prayer is that you will too.

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Road Map for Loving Others

Forgiveness

I remember one particular occasion when my best friend and I were driving down the main highway on the way to Florida.  In those days, there were no GPS Navigational systems.  We were armed with an old fashioned paper road map of Georgia and Florida.  Off we went on our great adventure.  For the most part, we followed the map and stayed on the main Interstates and highways.  At one particular point in our journey, we both spotted what appeared to be an interesting dirt road.  Being the adventurous souls we were, we decided to take the dirt road and see where it led. We calculated that we were a little ahead of schedule, time-wise, so why not?  We didn’t see this particular local, small road on the map so we were just curious enough to want to check it out.  We drove over holes and ditches and rounded curves sliding from side to side.  It was a blast—-until we drove over a ditch that was just a little too deep for our wheels.  We hit the ditch and the bottom of the car slammed into the ground and shook the tailpipe lose on the car.  Luckily, the car was still driveable. Somehow, we managed to move the car from the ditch and quickly drove back to the main highway, continuing on to Florida without a muffler and sounding like an old Logging Truck.  I don’t know how we made it without annoying the police, but somehow we did.  We managed to have the muffler and tailpipe repaired while we vacationed in Florida.  It would have been much easier had we just stayed on the main highway, but we couldn’t resist the temptation to take the road less traveled. Even though we had a Map showing the correct route and path we should have taken, we couldn’t resist the urge to be adventurous.  It was a choice we made and, unfortunately, we made the wrong choice and paid a price.

I think we would all agree that the Bible is our road map for Life.  Speaking for myself, I wish I followed the map more often.  The other day I was reading a passage in 1st Peter which gives us one of those clear road maps we all need.  1st Peter Chapter 4, verses 7-12 says to be of sound judgment and keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.  Sometimes, having a fervent love is fairly easy and sometimes it’s extremely difficult, depending upon the person and the situation.  Choosing to fervently love others is a choice, just like when we chose the wrong road to travel.  Making the wrong choice in how we love others often leads to bad consequences just as our road trip did many years ago.

Here are 4 things that I try to remember to strive for that have helped me over the years when dealing with others, especially those that may mistreat me.  You could say that this is my road map for loving others:

  1. A Sound Mind:  We must show patience and love when dealing with others, especially those that mistreat us.  We all expect others to rise to our level.  We must be willing to meet others where they are and that takes patience.
  2. A Submissive Prayer Life:  We must have a personal prayer life and also pray for others, submitting our Will to God’s Will.  If we’re honest, we’re all selfish looking out for ourselves.  It’s amazing how much stronger your prayer life becomes when you pray for others needs instead of just your own.
  3. A Selfless Love:  We should all have a passion for helping others based on our gifts, abilities, and resources. Again, selfishness comes into play here.  Don’t be afraid to get involved with others and help them meet their needs.  You’ll be blessed and others will too.
  4. A Spoken Witness:  We must allow Jesus to speak through us and work through our lives.   It doesn’t do any good for God to speak to us if we don’t act. Have courage to be the witness and example to others that you know you should.

We’re all faced with roads to travel and forks in the road to take, especially when dealing with others.  Make sure you follow God’s Map and take the right course so that your love for others will be strong.

“Lord, thank you for reminding me today of the importance of following your direction.  Thank you for reminding me to be of Sound Mind; have a Submissive prayer life; have a Selfless love for others; and a Spoken Witness for You.”

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The Poison of Stagnant Water

Forgiveness

As a young child, I loved to play in small creeks and streams.  I suppose every boy does, if they have the chance.  I especially loved to find a narrow section of the creek and attempt to build a small dam.  I would search for large rocks and sticks and whatever I could find to stop the flow of the stream.  Usually, I had a toy boat or pretended I had a boat made out of sticks that I could now play with in the ever deepening water.

On one such occasion, I remembered building a dam and having to run back to my house to eat lunch.  I was gone maybe a couple of hours and I couldn’t wait to return to the dam I had so masterfully constructed.  When I returned, the water backed up to the dam was all stagnant and dirty looking.  However, the small trickle of water that escaped from the dam was crystal clear and continuing it’s flow down the stream.

Forgiveness is a lot like that day on the creek.  Failing to forgive and continuing to look back at our past does nothing to the person(s) we haven’t forgiven–it stagnates our own life.  As you continue your week, ask God to reach into your heart and remind you of someone you need to forgive.

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Why You Should Learn to Forgive Yourself

Forgiveness

One of the hardest issues we battle with as Christians is forgiving ourselves.  I don’t know about you, but I think sometimes it’s easier to forgive others for what they may have done to us rather than forgive ourselves for mistakes we’ve made in our own lives.  I’m not totally sure why that is, but I do know that if you’re out there struggling to forgive yourself, you’re not alone.  It isn’t a new phenomenon that applies only to you; the battle has been around as long as man has been on this earth.

I was re-reading John Chapter 21 today and realized what a perfect example this Chapter is of God’s never-ending love for us, no matter what we’ve done in our lives.  As background, Peter had already denied Christ three times and Jesus had already been crucified and resurrected.  There had been some sightings of Jesus after the resurrection but no one really knew what to expect next or if anyone would ever see Him again.

If you’re familiar with this particular story in John, you’ll remember that some of the Disciples were at the Sea of Tiberias.  Peter was one of those Disciples there that particular day.  I don’t think it’s a stretch to believe that Peter was probably feeling guilty and ashamed and depressed about how he had denied Christ in the past.  Even though Peter was with his closest friends, that didn’t mask the fact that Peter still couldn’t see a way to repair the past and may have to live with those feelings the rest of his life.

It helps to remember that Peter was a true fisherman at heart.  I’ve known people in my own life that live, breathe, and sleep fishing.  They are at home on any lake or stream at any time.  On this particular day, Peter decided to go out and catch fish.  In fact, Peter did exactly what you and I do at times of trouble or when stress or guilt is unbearable—we go back to what’s comfortable.  Peter went back to what he was most comfortable with to (perhaps) find peace and solitude.  Fishing was a relief to Peter and I believe helped him to relax and erase some of his pain or guilt.  As Peter decided to go fishing, the other Disciples that were present decided to join him, but no one caught any fish.

As everyone was out in the boat fishing, they suddenly heard a voice off in the distance from someone standing on the shore.  The person on the shore was asking those in the boat if they had caught any fish.  The Disciples, not knowing who this person was, shouted back “no.”  This stranger on the shore then did a peculiar thing.  He instructed the Disciples to cast their net on the right side of their boat.  They did so and caught so many fish they couldn’t even haul in the net.  Shortly thereafter, some of the Disciples recognized the person on the shore was Jesus and pointed this out to Peter.  As soon as Peter heard this, he jumped in the water and swam toward the shore, toward Jesus.  I wonder what Peter was thinking as he swam to the shore?  Was he going to apologize to Jesus for denying him?  Was he going to ask if Jesus was angry with him?  Did he want Jesus to say some comforting words to him?  We can only speculate, but as soon as he began swimming, the other disciples that remained in the boat followed him to the shore, towing the net full of fish behind them.

As Peter swam closer, he could see that Jesus had already started a warm fire of coals and had some fish cooking on the fire, along with some bread.  He invited Peter and the other Disciples to bring some of the fish they had caught and have breakfast with him.  Before Peter could say anything to Jesus, or do anything to ease his own guilt or pain, Jesus was already there waiting with open arms! Peter didn’t have to do anything to make things right with Jesus; it was if nothing in the past had ever happened.

I think about my own life and how many times I have second guessed myself, made bad decisions, and wished I could make things right with God.  It helps me to remember the story about Peter all those years ago.  No matter how hard I try to erase what has happened and forgive myself for what I should or should not have done, God has already forgotten my mistakes and is there with open arms ready to welcome me.

I thought I would list some quick, practical suggestions, I’ve learned over the years that may help you with forgiveness:

  1. Don’t be afraid to forgive yourself.  This sounds simple but, sometimes, we hang on to the past—even when it hurts—for fear of being alone in the present or future.  Surround yourself with friends and loved ones that can support you as you sever the past and embrace the present/future.  Allow others to pray for you.
  2. Remember that forgiving yourself of the past doesn’t mean you have to forget the past.  It simply means you refuse to allow the past to control your emotions now.  Stop punishing yourself.
  3. Don’t hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else does.  We’re all imperfect and make mistakes.  Peter denied Jesus three times and Jesus welcomed Peter back with no questions asked.  Embrace God’s Grace, as Peter did, and realize that nothing you’ve done will keep God from opening his arms to you.
  4. Realize that it’s OK to let go of other people’s expectations of you or what others have said about you.  You don’t have any control of what other people say and do.  It also helps to separate what you can control versus what you can’t control.
  5. Look for small things each day where God shows you how he is working in your life.  It may be a kind word from someone; an opportunity that presents itself; a chance for you to do something for someone.  Trust me, God shows you each and every day—you just have to be aware.  Keep a prayer journal or diary of what God shows you and teaches you each day.
  6. Surround yourself with positive verses and quotes.  Write your favorite versus on index cards and stick them on refrigerators; on your bathroom mirror; or in your car.  Place them everywhere possible so that you constantly see positive verses.  It’s amazing how this will change your perspective.
  7. Realize that forgiving yourself is a journey, not a destination.  Don’t fool yourself in believing that you can flip a switch, and you’re there.  It is a gradual process of baby steps.

May God bless you along your journey of forgiveness.

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