hurt | Courage for Today

The Three Cord Rope

A while back, I was working outside in my backyard moving some boxes and furniture inside my storage shed. There was an old Cedar Chest that I had in storage which belonged to my mom. It was not in good shape but I had wanted to save it since it belonged to her. The lid of the chest was coming loose from the hinges so I had tied some rope around the lid of the chest to keep it secure. I didn’t realize how well I had secured it with the rope because even though a couple of strands of the rope had snapped, the lid was still held securely by the one remaining strand of the rope. Without all 3 strands of the rope, the lid would have been damaged further.

Recently, I have been reminded of the strength of family and friends. While each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses, it’s comforting to know that we can all lean on each other during times of need. As Family, we all learn to help each other and provide support to others that may need uplifting at a particular time or during a particular situation.

The same is true with our Christian brothers and sisters. We’re all part of the body of Christ and, just like with our earthly families, we should all remember that when one of us is hurt, we’re all hurt. When one of us is down, we’re all down. But, as family and as Christians, each of us is witness to God’s majesty in blending each of our talents; personalities; abilities; and gifts into an unbreakable bond, a three cord rope that can’t easily be broken.

And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)

Other Posts You May Enjoy

How God’s Grace and Mercy Guides and Protects Us in Life

Finding Strength in God During Times of Crisis

Understanding God’s Role in Helping Us Forgive Those We Struggle to Forgive

When You Sometimes Wonder if God Cares

Strength

I’ve been burdened lately for so many of my friends and loved ones that are going through tough times in their life. I so appreciate that others share their pain and hurt and, honestly, I hurt with them. Their burdens are real. Their hurt is deep. Their pain is relentless. At the center of their pain and hurt is an underlying feeling that no one cares. The world has shut them out in many cases. Their family and friends seemingly turn their backs. And, through the heartache, they sometimes give up on God and wonder if HE really cares about them.

After all, God is busy running the universe. He doesn’t have time for little old me. I know He may care about me in the “big picture,” but does He really care about my problems and my situations? The answer is an emphatic YES! As you sit there reading this post, I pray that you stop whatever you’re doing for a brief moment and just relish in the fact that God does care about you. Stop and realize that God is wrapping His heavenly arms around you even at this moment.

If you don’t believe me, here are some verses from God’s word to simply remind you of how truly special you are:

You are an heir of God and co-heir with Christ. Romans 8:17
You are eternal, like an angel. Luke 20:36
You have a crown that will last forever. 1 Corinthians 9:25
You are a treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
You were chosen before the creation of the world. Ephesians 1:4
You will be a holy people to the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 26:19

You are God’s child. Your place in life, your title in life, or your position in life don’t mean anything in relation to God. What matters is that you are in the palm of God’s hand.

I wanted to give you one additional verse from the Bible to hang on to; one of my favorite versus in all the Bible. I love the verse because it is written in a way for those of us that are sometimes skeptical of God’s Love. The verse is 1 John 3:1 and it reads: ” See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called Children of God; and such we are.” The last part of the verse is what I really want you to grasp. When He says “and such we are” what He is saying is that “you really are.” He knew that we would be skeptical. God, in His infinite wisdom, is basically saying, “remember, you’re a child of God—really you are, I’m not kidding.”

He does care for you. If it matters to you, it matters to Him. Nothing is too significant or insignificant to bring forth to God.

Always remember, you are a child of God—really, He’s not kidding.

Don’t Believe the Lies in the Mirror

Self-Worth

As a young child, I loved attending the county fair. It only came around to our area once per year so it was always exciting when it was that time of year again. My family didn’t have a lot of extra money so it was a real treat when we were able to go.

Of course, I enjoyed the rides and attractions but I can still remember the first time I was old enough to enter the infamous “fun house.” The fun house was full of mazes and air spurts that spooked you as you rounded corners. What really caught my eye were the large Circus mirrors that waited for me down the hall. There was one mirror that made me look six feet tall; another that made me look like a toddler. There was yet another set of mirrors, one that made me look extremely overweight and another that made me look skinny. As a small child, I just thought these distorted mirrors were a hoot. I would stare and stare at the mirrors and imagine what it would be like if I really looked like the “me” in those mirrors, while all the time knowing the “real” me was not like those images at all.

I often encounter people in life who struggle with their own identity. In reality, we all probably have at one time or another. As we move through this journey we call life, we sometimes begin to take on the images of what we’ve been taught; what we’ve been told; what we’ve observed; and what we have believed. Unless we have God’s firm foundation to base our reality on, it becomes very easy to distort our own self-image and—over time—-start to believe the lies that life throws our way.

There are many lies that life can throw our way, but let me share with you a few of what I think are among the most common. Maybe some of these sound familiar to you:

If I feel it, it must be true.
The destination is more important than the journey.
I have to be perfect to feel good about myself.
I must have everyone’s love and approval.
My unhappiness is someone else’s fault.
My past predicts or restricts my future.
I am the way I am and cannot change.
Things never work out for me.
I can’t be happy unless things go my way.
Things happen and I take them personally.
People owe me for what I do for them.
You shouldn’t have to wait for what you want.
God’s love must be earned.
Life and God are always supposed to be fair.
I don’t need other people to function in life.
I have been hurt, so I can never trust anyone.
People “like that” will always disappoint me.
God doesn’t have time for my problems.
A good Christian doesn’t get angry, anxious, or depressed.
I either magnify or minimize the importance of things.

Any of those sound familiar? If so, you should remind yourself that they’re not true. The bigger question is how do I erase those lies that have held me hostage all these years? How do I take steps to see the real me instead of the distorted me? In my experience, I have found that the following steps can help you over time:

For each of the lies you believe about yourself, think back on the triggering event that caused you to feel that way. It may take some time and may be painful, but write down what event(s) in your life you believe caused you to believe the lie in your life.
Write down what is wrong about the way you are thinking about these events. What exactly has been your wrong thinking pattern over the years about this event?
Next, write down how you felt emotionally about the event and what you have been thinking and believing. Are you angry, hurt, sad, embarrassed, showing lack of faith? This will be painful and cause you to re-live some of the hurt, but be honest with yourself and write out your true feelings.
Then, write down your unhealthy actions resulting from how you felt. Did the pain and hurt or the sadness or embarrassment cause you to do something you wish you had not done? Write it down.

As you proceed through the next steps, you will begin to view a different perspective which will offer some healing over time:

Write down the correct way you should have thought about the triggering event you identified above. If you had been thinking the correct way about the event, what would that have looked like?
If you had reacted correctly to the triggering event, what would have been the correct emotions that you would have felt? Instead of feeling angry, sad, or hurt, how would you have felt?
Finally, write down the positive actions that would have resulted had you reacted correctly and had you felt the proper emotions.

As you work through the exercises above, remember the lies we all believe are just like the Circus Mirrors in the fun house–they aren’t real and they aren’t representative of the real you. It’s our choice to replace the lies with the truth.

We Can All Have a Clean Slate

Self-Worth

As a child, I used to love to play with a toy called “Etch-A-Sketch.” In those days, before video games, computers, and all of the electronic gadgets we have today, the Etch-A-Sketch was pretty amazing. You could rotate the small white knobs clockwise and create a series of straight lines and create almost any picture you could imagine. If you were really skilled, you would learn how to rotate the left and right knobs simultaneously which would create a diagonal line. I never advanced much past a square or straight line, but I witnessed many folks who were true artists. The truly amazing thing about the Etch-A-Sketch was that if you didn’t like your picture or artwork, you just simply shook the Etch-A-Sketch back and forth and the screen would magically erase. You then had a blank slate in order to begin another drawing. You didn’t need paper; you didn’t need erasers. All you needed was a little creativity and Etch-A-Sketch handled everything else. No matter how bad my artwork was, once I shook the Etch-A-Sketch, the drawing was erased never to be seen again. It was as if my artwork had never occurred at all. I can remember sitting and drawing for hours upon hours trying to get the perfect picture but becoming so frustrated. Finally, I would get so frustrated, I would ask my Mom or Dad to take the Etch-A-Sketch from me and I would watch in amazement as they began to create a Masterpiece that was beyond description. How they created such a wonderful picture was baffling to me but it made me want to always step aside and let them take control.

I think back over my life and remember time and time again when I made decisions I’ve regretted. We all have. There’s not a person alive who has not done something or said something they wished they hadn’t said, or had something happen to them or done something to someone they wished had not happened. Unfortunately, its so easy to beat ourselves up over and over again or second guess ourselves over what should or should not have been. In fact, it can get to the point where all we think about is what “was” and not what “can be.” We look at poor decisions we’ve made in the past and continue to remind ourselves what could have been had we only made the “right” decision. We look at those who may have hurt us in the past and continue to carry those feelings of hurt and even revenge as we wonder “why me?” We look at those we may have hurt and wish we had a “second chance” to make things right. We look at relationships with parents and family and think how much better things could have been. We look at our jobs and careers and think it’s just not fair what’s happened to me. On and on we go with never-ending questions of woulda, shoulda, coulda to the point that our thoughts take our life down a path of never-ending self-doubt, pity, and depression. It doesn’t have to be this way.

As Christians, we can choose to make positive changes and stop walking down the paths of self-doubt, pity, and depression. We only need to remind ourselves that our past mistakes and past decisions and past actions don’t have to continually imprison us. There is no mistake you’ve ever made; no sin you’ve ever committed; no hurt you’ve ever received from others, that God can’t erase, heal, and change. How do we do this?

Ask Christ to heal your heart of the hurt; the pain; the regrests; the jealousy; the pride; and the bad feelings from your past. It is as simple as asking, accepting, and believing. At that exact instant, your slate has been cleared in God’s eyes. Just like the Etch-A-Sketch, your past mistakes have been removed forever in God’s eyes.
Allow Christ to guide your life. I know from experience that the more I try to do in my own power, the worse things become. Once I get out of the way and allow God to control my life, things begin to improve. Just like with the Etch-A-Sketch, I’ve got to surrender control to the Master and let him create the masterpiece and direct my path.
Act on how God directs your life. It’s one thing to simply know what you believe God is directing you to do. It’s an entirely different step to actually take action in the direction you need to go. Sometimes fear paralyzes us. Sometimes we just aren’t sure which path to take. Sometimes we did make a bad decision and now God is correcting us. The important thing is that you listen and allow God to direct your path.

Rather than continuing to draw your own path, allow the Master to take control of your life and create the masterpiece He has designed for you.

Are You Glancing or Gazing at God

Self-Worth

I think there are times in life where it just seems like the hurt and the pain are unbearable. Sometimes, the hurt is because of mistakes we’ve made ourselves. Sometimes the hurt may be for loved ones or friends. Whatever the circumstances, there are those times in our lives when we tend to doubt the old phrase that “HE never gives us more than we can bear.” I know there have been plenty of times in my life when I thought I couldn’t bear any more, but somehow by the Grace of God, I’ve persevered.

I know when I have been faced with those times in my life, I often feel defeated and hopeless. I think that’s only human nature and, most likely, the way we all feel during those tough times. I know, for me, the reason I feel so poorly during those times is because I dwell on the problem and not the solution. I tend to worry about how I could have done things differently; how I could have prevented what has happened. I say to myself, “If only I had done this, then this other situation wouldn’t have happened.” “If only I had not made this poor decision, I wouldn’t be where I am.” On and on I go and I find myself spending every waking moment dwelling on the problem and not the solution. I spend all my waking on energy on the past.

I’ve beaten myself up over and over again for different events in my life that I wish I could have changed, but I can’t change what HAS happened. I can only work to change what WILL happen, with God’s help and guidance. I’ve learned to change my perspective and only glance at the problem while gazing at the Problem-Solver.

What are your going through right now in life? Do you find yourself glancing and dwelling on the problem? Instead, try only glancing at the problem and gazing at the Almighty Creator.