I am always amazed how God has worked in my life. By amazing, I don't mean that everything in my life has always been good by the World's standards. If my life became a novel, there would be many Chapters that would be quite scary, alarming, tragic and even heart-breaking at times. Of course, there would be plenty of exciting and positive Chapters throughout this hypothetical novel, but my point is that everything has not always been a bed of roses.
What has been consistent throughout my life has been my relationship with God. I hesitate to use that sentence because it is often an over-used cliche, but in my case it is so true. To understand what I mean, you'll have to walk with me on a trip down memory lane.
I grew up in a wonderfully stable, middle class home. I had hard-working, loving parents that loved me and my two brothers and did everything within their power to make our home the best it could be. They succeeded, by the way, and were the model of strength and character. I was very fortunate to have such great role models for all the years I lived at home. Despite the wonderful upbringing, I was always searching for "something." Especially during my early teenage years, I began to feel lonely, isolated, and even depressed at times. It seemed that I was on a treadmill searching for "something" that I could never find. Then, one day as a teenager, I found what I was searching for in Christ. Since that day, over 40 years ago, my life has never been the same–for the better.
Looking back at those days before I found Christ, I realized that I was searching to fill the void in my life because I didn't fill worthy of anything good. I looked at myself at that time and saw someone that was short; someone that was average looking; someone that was self-conscious; someone that was extremely shy; and someone that had only 2 or 3 friends. I wasn't particularly good at anything and always felt ashamed of myself. I was searching for "something" that would change all of that and, quite frankly, I became tired of searching. Fortunately, I found that "something" in Christ before it was too late. No, I didn't miraculously grow taller, become better looking and outgoing, have dozens of new friends, or develop great skills in everything I did. But, I did finally understand that none of this mattered to God. He didn't care about my outward appearances or abilities, or my accomplishments or failures. God cared about my heart. Even though I had felt unworthy for so many years, I was always 100 percent worthy in God's eyes—I just didn't realize it.
I cross paths every day with people that feel as I did all those 40+ years ago. They might feel unworthy for some of the same reasons or different reasons, but they feel unworthy nonetheless. It is a terrible feeling. I know; I've experienced it. There is this seemingly never ending feeling that we have to change something or do something to make ourselves better to be acceptable to God. We don't.
When I finally accepted Christ, it taught me that there is nothing I can do to make God accept me anymore than He already does and, just as importantly, there is nothing I can do make God love me any less. It doesn't matter to God where you've been or where you are.
If you've been struggling with those feelings of hopelessness and unworthiness, it's time to change. It's time to realize that you are Worthy just as you are. I promise it will be the best decision you'll ever make.
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